Nightmares and Dreams
by ALovedOne
Summary: "She had fought so hard to protect him, fought so hard so that they could be together and happy. They had survived the threat of a nuclear bomb, being stuck in a freezer for way too long, almost drowning in her car - bleeding to death at the loft would not be how their story would end."
When they were still hunting down LokSat, there was really no appropriate time to bring up kids again. The two had struggled enough with putting each other's lives in danger. There had been days were they had fought about how reckless they were being, and not a day had passed without them wishing that they could finally put this all behind them.

At night, when Kate tossed and turned, unsuccessfully trying to forget about the battle they were fighting for long enough to fall asleep, Castle had held her tight and told her stories about what they were going to do once this was all over. He would tell her about how they would go and explore Paris together. How they could finally go on that honeymoon somewhere warm. He even joked about flying to New Zealand and visiting Hobbiton, which caused Kate to roll her eyes at him, but it still managed to bring a smile to her face. These were the things that made her all the more determined to finally bring down LokSat, so that she could have her happy life - without a target on her back, for once.

Those were the thoughts that ran through her mind when she crawled across the kitchen floor and saw him inching towards her, too. She had fought so hard to protect him, fought so hard so that they could be together and happy. She had survived a bullet to her chest, he had survived whatever exactly happened in those two months. They had survived the threat of a nuclear bomb, being stuck in a freezer for way too long, almost drowning in her car - bleeding to death at the loft would not be how their story would end. Kate held on to his hand and that thought as her vision became hazy. Before she lost consciousness, she thought she registered the sound of the door opening and a scream, but it could have been her imagination for all she knew.

* * *

Kate wakes up to the sound of beeping machines. Her body is so weak, but it only takes her brain a brief moment to help her remember what happened at the loft. So she jerks awake, but within seconds, there are hands holding her down, more than one pair, and she fights for them to let go of her, but her body is still tired, and she is forced to succumb to the exhaustion.

The faces around her are familiar and have concern written all over them. But as she looks at every face individually, she immediately notices which one is missing. And it can't be, it's not possible, that after everything they've been through, and after everything that she did to protect him, he isn't here with her anymore. She wants to say something, but nothing but a small sob escapes her mouth, and then the tears fall from her eyes, because suddenly the plans she and Castle made for their future are gone, just like that.

She can see that they are all confused for a second, because shouldn't she be happy that she's breathing? It is Ryan who figures out why she is crying first, who says the words she needs to hear so badly. "He's alive, you know. Castle will be fine." Relief washes over her, but she needs to see for herself, needs proof that she didn't really witness the life draining out of him that morning at the loft. Before she can voice her wishes, the entourage that encircled her hospital bed shuffles aside, giving her a view of the bed standing a few feet away.

Castle is laying there so peacefully, eyes shut, Alexis and Martha by his side, holding his hands. He isn't awake yet, but he's alive, and that's what counts right now. He stirs a little, and her heart jumps with joy when she sees his eyelids flutter. It takes him a while to regain full consciousness, but when he does, he turns his head, looking for her. His gaze catches hers.

"Castle," she whispers.  
"Hi," he murmurs. "I had the strangest dream, and you were there."  
She chuckles a bit at his remark and the memory that came with it. Two and a half years ago, she had looked at him in a hospital bed, still recovering from a toxin he inhaled.  
"You know," he starts. "I really want to stop having dates at the hospital. It smells bad, and the food is atrocious."  
She chuckles at that remark, too.

* * *

Their recovery is lengthy, but with Martha, Alexis, and occasionally her dad taking care of them, it's not so bad. Esposito and Ryan drop by every once in a while, Chinese takeout in hand, joking about how they'd only visit so that Beckett wouldn't miss them so much and bringing them news of all the crime-solving adventures Castle and Beckett were missing. Two weeks before Beckett is supposed to return, Castle surprises her with plane tickets. Their getaway to some tropical island is relaxing, and although it takes them a while to get used to the fact that they do not need to be on the constant lookout, they eventually manage to fully enjoy their belated honeymoon. When Beckett returns to the precinct, so does Castle. And slowly, just slowly, a bit of normalcy returns to their lives.

Thoughts abut LokSat still haunt both of them even nearly two years later, and it is not unusual for either of them to wake up whimpering. But everytime, they turn around and see each other safely right at their side. One night, when Kate jerks awake screaming, Castle holds her tight, telling her about their future together just like he always has. But the stories slowly change. He begins talking about going to Disneyland while in Paris, mentions the amazing waterparks you could vacation in, points out how fun Hobbiton would be for kids, because everything would be just perfect for their size. Kate laughs and - instead of rolling her eyes at him like she usually does - nods in agreement for the first time. Castle looks so happy and excited, and if she wants this with anyone, it's with him.

* * *

It first happens when Kate visits a crime scene. She usually doesn't get squeamish around dead bodies, no matter how repulsive, but this morning she has to walk away from the crime scene. She walks to the end of the alley and throws up in a dumpster, hoping her colleagues won't notice. She blames the corpse at first, but it happens again two days later when she sits in her office, and again the following morning when Castle brings her coffee in bed.

Castle is worried that she is coming down with something, so he forces her to go to the doctor's, despite her continuous reassurances that she is fine and probably just ate something bad. But he insists, and that's when they hear. Kate panics a little at first, because she suddenly realizes how unprepared she is for all of it, and because her mom should be here to celebrate and guide her. But eventually, she looks up at Caslte, and he has tears in his eyes and a wide smile on his lips. He is so happy and hugs her, and Beckett realizes that they will be okay. Because they always have been, and having him here with her and having a family with him is really all she could ever want.


End file.
